Archive for August, 2007

Reflections on Acknowledgment

What difference would it make in my life, over the next five years, if I received 50 % more acknowledgement than I do today.

Wow! What a thought! I ‘m sure it might transform my life.

Think of a time in my life when I have been acknowledged. How did it make me feel?

I can think of lot’s of times when I’ve been acknowledged. Just the other day my 14 year old daughter actually thanked me and acknowledged me for giving her attention whenever she needs it. I couldn’t believe it, because for me, it’s normal, I don’t even have to try, I love her so much and am so interested in her and her emotional life that I always am happy when she wants or needs my attention. It made me feel great!

Describe what life feels like when we make efforts without acknowledgement.

At this time in my life, I am ok without being acknowledged because I give myself a lot of acknowledgement. But, I remember when I was younger that I felt sad when I wasn’t acknowledged.

What do you think are the benefits in acknowledging clients as part of the coaching relationship?

I think that acknowledging clients is really important because it’s something that most people don’t do for themselves. Most people are very self-critical and they are not even aware of all of the things that they do well, how far they’ve come, what they’ve accomplished, or how many things they are a master of in their lives. They tend to concentrate only on the negative. Acknowledging is also positively reinforcing the things that are funtioning well for them. The feeling of validation is very powerful.

Reflections On Structures In My Life

What would my life be like if I replaced all the structures that don’t work with those that empower me?

I would probably have less anxiety about certain things.

Here are 10 Structures in my life that do not empower me / What I replace each with to feel more empowered.

1.Eating after I get home from work at night. / Make sure I have time to eat before I go to work, and then go straight upstairs when I get home.
2.Not saying “no” enough to friends and at work . / Saying “no” more often.
3.I let family interrupt my ICA time. / Make this time non-negotiable.
4.I let my husband distract me when I’m working at home because I feel guilty that I’m not giving him attention when he wants it. / I need to set boundaries more often. He’s a big boy, he can handle it.
5.Spending too much time on the Internet. / Limit my non-ICA time computer use. Only check E-mail 2 times per day.
6.Sitting with my husband at night while he’s watching TV because I think I should, even though I would rather be reading or sleeping. / I should just go to bed and read.
7.Eating instead of drinking when I’m thirsty. / Always drinking a glas of water first and waiting a little bit to see if I’m really hungry before I eat a snack.
8.Drinking too much coffee. / Substituting water or herb tea for every other cup.
9. A relationship I have with a certain friend doesn’t really empower me. I thought it did, but now I’m beginning to see that I waste way too much time on this relationship mentally and emotionally. / Do even more self- care. When I concentrate on my own life and issues, I feel more empowered.
10.Not excercising enough. / I walk with my dog every day, and meet a friend once a week to do Nordic Walking in the woods, but I know I still want and need to do more aerobic exercise or work with weights. I have everything at home and still don’t do it. The structure of going to an exercise class might help.

How can I use the identification and development of structures in my coaching practice.

I have to think more about this but I think I would explain the concept of “structures” and help the client identify structures that are working and one that aren’t. For a client that is stressed out I might suggest planning a time every day to do one thing that is important to them, even if it’s just doing nothing and scheduling this time in their planner so it is non-negotiable, and then after that, maybe an evening every week. It’s important for the client to realise that it’s their life, they get to choose.
Another idea for someone who takes on too much, is to plan extra time for every activity they do, maybe even twice the amount of time they think they need for the activity. When you do this, you automatically slow down because you have enough time time in between activities to re-group and you don’t take on more than you can do.

How can I support clients to identify the structures that will support their goals and the structures that might act as barrier or blockers?

First, it’s important to find out what is working in their lives and what’s not. Then, find out why they think certain things are not working, and ask what they think they might do diffently to get them to work. Then I would introduce and explain structures. I think most people are not even aware that certain structures support them and others don’t. It certainly takes the guilt and self blame out of the picture.

Back to the Blog

I am finally comitted to blogging once a week. There I’ve said it. Now I guess you could call that a structure. I will write all of the Reflection and Application homework here and if I have any time, I will get creative later.

Here ist the 1st post of the “new” school year at ICA which I began after a 5 week absence while I was on vacation. Well, actually it’s been a lot longer since my last post, but who’s counting the days…

Power Listening Reflection and Application
1. Make a list of all the things you listen for as a coach.

I listen for:
Feelings
Emotions
Values
What’s inspiring the client
Excitement
What’s not being said
Joy
Sadness
Happiness
Anger
Resignation
Passion
Concerns
Truth

2. In your opininion, what are the top five things a coach listens for?
Values
What’s inspiring the client
What’s not being said
What’s inspiring the client
What’s working and what’s not working for the client in his or her life right now.


August 2007
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